when enough is enough

I found myself wanting to throw up earlier today
over thoughts that I unhealthly bring upon myself.
i can't believe i still can't get over it
i can't believe i'm still affected
i can't believe that feeling is still so strong.

so i've decided to commit for one year
complete abandonment
for good this time, for a year. then we'll see.

in the meantime, i will be filling the new void
with things i've always wanted to do.
hobbies i love
hobbies i'm inspired by
hobbies i crave
hobbies i'm passionate of

farewell pain, welcome life.

who knows, this might allow me to succeed in one of these many hobbies i have

easily irritable

This morning everything bothered me,
I don't know whether it was because I was surrounded by annoying situations
or my nerves and sensitivity was getting the best of me.
Through the high volumed ipod
somehow the blabbing from the guy next to me on the subway made my blood boil
Finally his stop came and to my horror and added annoyance,
he leaves his morning newspaper on the bench behind him.
A litterer and an obnoxious talker.
The subway ride on the L was less than pleasant.
I don't understand drivers who likes to brake every other second.
I just don't get it and my inability to understand make me even more bothered.
Also is everyone just walking slower than usual today????

i don't think aunt flo's visiting....sigh. does this mean i have turned into a new yorker?

small on toilet big on determination

when i sit on the toilet at my new work, my feet doesn't touch the ground.
Am I really that small?

or is it just NY? i'm small in NY.

that will change by year's end. i'm determined. i won't let this city engulf me, i will engulf it. by committing and finishing things i start and not be scared or lazy to start. i think that's the secret formula to my life success.

wow...all this from a simple observation in the bathroom stall.

inspirations

i enjoy those
wisely chosen words,
observing those
silent nature calls,
understanding those
hypocrytical human dualities,
witnessing those
hidden private mannerisms of freedom,
partaking in
uncontrollable whirlwind of chromatic creations,
indulging in those,
passionate self-induced ideologies

and much more. entirety of existence and non-existence. phenomenon of the soul in contact with environment.

i can't breathe

every time my thought wanders into that territory
my throat clenches itself
my lungs get heavy
my heart screams to be numbed
thoughts of death seems like glimpses of heaven
why can't it be over
why can't i escape this
why must i ache
i thought i had finally reached the point
where i'm above it all,
i'm over it,
i'm at peace
only to find the cancer plagues me all over again
memories of us makes me sick
i can't breathe.